Peace Blossoms in Japan
Ah, the years lie heavy on me, like the accumulated nocturnal droppings of a thousand well-fed geckos. Yet the weight of these aeons is lessened to a great degree by the certain knowledge that I have been a boon and a blessing to so many in dire need as through the ages I have strode, defiant and erect, upon this vernal orb.
   One such deed I will now recount and though several decades have elapsed since its performance, it remains as clear and pungent in my mind as this morning's ablutions.
   It was in the year 1945 and I was residing at Big Sur, working on my dictionary of the dolphin language as well as laying the foundation for what would years later be the musical groundswell known as "surf music," when I received an urgent communiqué from His Supreme Majesty, Emperor Hirohito of the island country, Japan.
   Apparently, and to my unfeigned surprise, I was informed that the world was presently engaged in a great war, the likes of which had not been seen in several decades, and the Emperor had allied Himself with two other great nations, Italy and Germany. His words were terse, but full of destiny, "Arrive at a much hurried moment please. The service that is possessed by you and not another is required in frantic ways." Needless to say, I discontinued my work on the dolphin tongue, handed my guitar to Dick Dale, and boarded the first boat to Japan that I could hire.
   On my arrival, the Emperor greeted me warmly, but the terror lurking in his eyes caused me to shudder in my very spleen. He led me to an antechamber, where tea was served and naught else. I winced as the familiar growls of my unfed stomach broke the deadly silence. "Your Most Divine Majesty," I began quickly, to drown out the rumblings of my digestive juices, "you have called me hither on an urgent errand. Please relate without unnecessary delay exactly what it is you desire, for I feel in my scorpion that time is not a friend to be trusted."
   The Emperor said nothing, but his countenance was like unto a young he-goat that had eaten bitter herbs. Stiffly he handed me a telegram. As I read the laconic message I felt the bile rising in my throat. It was a warning, written by the President of the United States of America, threatening destruction if immediate and unconditional surrender was not forthcoming.
   "This," I said with an emotion akin to concern, "this will require much mediation. I pray you will allow me one hour in privacy to devote to this dire epistle."
   "One hour is for you to have enjoyable, Master Akiryon," the Emperor replied, "then I returning shall come back again to understand the answer found by you to be correct in my hoping in several happinesses."
   Long did that hour seem as I sought the wisdom that resides deep within me. But before the designated time was at hand, thanks to the dolphin spirits that guide me in all these crucial endeavors, I saw clearly the answer before me. So lightened was my heart, that upon entering the small room, the Emperor was startled to see my jocular expression and actually hear a hearty guffaw emanate from my smiling mouth.
   "Your Divine Majesty will be pleased to know that there shall be peace, in fact, it is almost upon you as we speak. The war shall soon be over. President Truman's words are hollow, their threat but an idle one. I have seen what he thinks no one else can see, thanks to the dolphin spirits that advise me in all issues. And in spite of the dolphins' unabated anger at their constant maltreatment at the hands of Japanese fishermen, they bring you these good tidings: the great danger you face form the Americans is but laughable. These overconfident Westerners presume to attack the proud, valiant and unconquerable nation of Japan with nothing more than some woman named Enola Gay, accompanied by, believe it or not, only a little boy and a fat man!"
   The Emperor looked at me in silence. Then we both burst into loud fits of laughter until our faces were streaked by tears of hilarity. That night I slept better than I had in years, proving indeed what a wise man once spoke, "Blessed are the peacemakers."

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