From the Diary of Bahb
Many readers have written to The Foundation requesting information on Master Yat's previous lives. At present, the small amount of texts and palimpsests we possess from his earlier incarnations remain for the most part untranslated, though this work is ongoing at our facilities and elsewhere. Fortunately we have, however, one such record from his earliest known life, pages of a diary unearthed by Coptic monks installing a septic tank on the outskirts of Cairo. This period predates his rescue at sea by the wise and kindly dolphins who became his mentors and launched him on the long voyage of spiritual discovery that led to his becoming Master Akiryon Baba Yat, champion of solubility. At this time he was simply known as Bahb, and his life was that of a very earnest itinerant cobbler, though as you will see, the seed of his spiritual titanship had certainly been planted, though he himself was unaware of its sowing. This month we present for your edification, instead of the usual teaching, these random extracts that have survived from his daily journal. K. Lowell, Editor, President TDSF
 
I must remember to pick up supplies tomorrow. The Emperor has many shoes, and it would not do to run out of tacks. He has little patience with those in "the gentle craft" of shoemaking and has more than once impaled outside his gates the unfortunate cobbler that has caused his imperial toes to suffer discomfort. That reminds me; I need some cooking skewers.
 
A man came to me this day whose sole had grown worn and tired from a life of long journeys, a wretched sole, bruised with adversity. Not only this, but I realized he was desperately in need of heeling. "Sit down," I mumbled, my mouth full of tacks.

Yesterday my path chanced to cross that of a group of pilgrims en route to the Shrine of the Thing Without a Normal Head. As we moved beneath the swaying branches of the acacias, up a dry and rocky riverbed, I became mournfully aware of the moans, groans and howls of sheer pain emanating from the pilgrim nearest me. As the day wore on, his progress slowed to a near crawl, punctuated by treble shrieks of agony, until he came to a complete and incommodious halt. It was then I took the opportunity to examine the problem, and discovered much to my mollification, that a bunion was responsible for the pilgrim's progress, or lack thereof.
 
Never again shall I trust such a woman. She asked for my awl, and I gave it her. When I implored her to return it, she pierced me to the marrow. "It is awl or nothing with you, Bahb," she shrieked.

I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had so many his closet space was insufficient.

The loveliest face may oft presage the stinkiest foot..

As I crossed the ox ford into the tiny hamlet of Birkenstock, I found the streets clogged with loafers. Shooing them aside, I made my way to the market place. Indeed Fortune had smiled upon me for I saw that they were completely strapped for sandals. I went back to my mule and retrieved twenty pair of my very finest.

If the shoe fits, pay me.

One never truly knows a man until one walks a mile in his shoes, through a cow pasture, in the dark, then hands his shoes back to him.

Always put your best foot forward, unless you are trying to walk, in which case you must alternate it with your second best foot in a repeated and steady fashion.

If I were to attach a loop of leather to the uppers of these boots, forming a sort of grippable handle, then people would hence in years to come have the makings of an adage useful in exhorting others to help themselves in an independent and admirable manner.

Speed the soft intercourse from sole to sole, and waft a sigh from Indus to the Pole. And beware lest ye misstep thy foot into that hole.

Now my sole hath elbow-room, which would be wonderful were I to wear my shoes upon my arms.

The tongue is an unruly member, yet if one ties one's laces tight enough, it will keep it from slipping to one side or the other, thus preventing discomfort and foot degeneration.

The good I stand on is my truth and honesty, and this expertly crafted pair of Iberian leather sandals, the likes of which I could create for you for a modest sum.

I do not think that shoemaker a good workman that makes a great shoe for a little foot, but he that can get a little foot for making a great shoe.

Her complexion is like Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing like so clean kept, for why, she sweats, a man may go over shoes in the grime of it, which can lead to tremendous savings on shoe polish.

Women may fall when there's no strength in men, or when the heels of their shoes have not been crafted in a superior manner, thus causing them to break and send their wearers earthward.

A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind, only an inexperienced and insolent shoemaker.

A foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. What a piece of work is man's shoes if not properly aired and dried.

For want of a nail the shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; and for want of a horse the rider was was lost; being overtaken and slain by the enemy, all for want of care about the horse-shoe nail. I freely admitted I was short on nails that day and apologized most profusely, but to no avail and was unceremoniously drummed out of town. But at least my course was forever diverted from blacksmithing to cobbling, a much nobler and certainly less dangerous profession.

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